The Horsemen of the Repeat Apocalypse

Boner’s repeat chances peter-out It is difficult to win back-to-back. The DelFL has never seen a Champion repeat. You must go back to the 03-04 Patriots in the NFL & it has only happened once this century in college football (Alabama, of course). There are several reasons for this, some are more obvious than others; diminished motivation, fatigue, luck running out, etc. But in the case of Boner, the 2020 DelFL Champion, the failure and blame falls squarely on 3 names: Harry, Josh & KC. Who are they, you may be asking? Including Boner, they make up Shanghai’s notorious 4 Horsemen. Their depravity & maniacal deportment are known, not just in Shanghai, but from the Great Wall to Lamma Island. They make the Van Buren Boys look like a eunuch choir. Here’s the rub: Boner simply can’t hang. The other 3 horsemen can pound bottles of lychee flavored soju until the sun rises over the Jin Mao Tower, chasing 5-inch waists from Patio 1 to Patio 2. Boner, however, around 10pm, is the end of the Sopranos finale. When he wakes the next morning in his soiled clothing, he looks at the Fantasy App to learn by fait accompli what roster moves or (in the case of starting Mitchell last week) non-moves he made while riding shotgun with the Horsemen. Boner has even made a trade in this mental state of vacancy, unaware of which players he was trading and who he was trading with. (note to league: try offering trade deals at around 2pm on Mondays EST). Boner will not repeat this year. He is going to let the 2020 Championship honeymoon continue into perpetuity. He will argue that this isn’t true. Don’t let him distract the league with his antipathy and vitriol against the DelFL King, Gwil, who he claims is the least funny person that he knows (direct quote). His private comments attacking Gwil have been some of the ugliest and most disrespectful words uttered in the history of the DelFL. This is projection, and frankly, an embarrassment to those two gold stars stitched on his Brown Jacket.

Boner isn’t repeating for one reason and one reason alone: The Horsemen.