Final Four: His Precious

One Jacket to rule them all, One Jacket to find them, One Jacket to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

#1 DAD DESTROYERS

Owner: Jesse Wohl

Nickname: The Rat

2020 Season: 10-3

2020 PPG: 427

Playoffs: 5-3

Championships: 1

H2H v. Tony: 5-8

H2H against Tony in 2020: 1-0

Best Matchup in Round 1: Hunter Henry @ LV

Worst Matchup in Round 1: Patrick Mahomes @NO

House: Gryffindor

If he were in the LOTR, who would he be? Treebeard

Comfortable and cozy in the Shire, the Wohl family eats, drinks and smokes their pipe-weed. Suddenly, a creeping chill encompasses the Smial and metastasizes down their spines. Unbeknownst to them the Nazgul are on their way. They want what Jesse already has: a Brown Jacket. These brutes from the most wretched lands of West Texas will stop at nothing to claim what they believe is rightfully theirs. Will goodness prevail? It is difficult to say, for these are dark times; yet, many bygones have dismissed the likes of Jesse before. He must keep his faith for the Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens. Let there be light.

V

#5 Teflon Tony

Owner: Anthony Alessi

Nickname: Fish

2020 Season: 8-5

2020 PPG: 440

Playoffs: 2-3

Championships: 0

H2H v. Jesse: 8-5

H2H against Jesse in 2020: 0-1

Best Matchup in Round 1: Jonathan Taylor v HOU

Worst Matchup in Round 1: Tyreek Hill @ NO

House: Slytherin

If he were in the LOTR, who would he be? Gollum/Smeagol

Tony gave out a sharp painful cry, and there he was, fallen upon his knees at the chasm's edge, but stretching out like a mad thing, held aloft the Brown Jacket, an arm still thrust within its sleeve. "Precious, precious, precious!" Tony cried. "My Precious! O my Precious!" And with that, even as his lazy eye was lifted up to gloat on his prize, he stepped too far, toppled, wavered for a moment on the brink, and then with a shriek he fell. Out of the depths came his last wail ‘Precious’, and he was gone. The smoldering fires of the Drift Inn took him, all of his personalities dissipating, and finally, there was peace.

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#2 I Luv My Bohner

Owner: Justin Bohnlein

Nickname: Boner

2020 Season: 9-4

2020 PPG: 466

Playoffs: 4-4

Championships: 1

H2H v. Andrew: 4-5

H2H against Andrew in 2020: 0-0

Best Matchup in Round 1: Eric Ebron @ CIN

Worst Matchup in Round 1: Ronald Jones @ ATL

House: Hufflepuff

If he were in the LOTR, who would he be? Isildur

From the threads a garment shall be woven, A light from the pockets shall spring; Renewed shall be the Jacket that was torn, The crownless again shall be king.

V

#3 NBBS: Road to Redemption

Owner: Andrew Brown

Nickname: X

2020 Season: 9-4

2020 PPG: 443

Playoffs: 7-4

Championships: 1

H2H v. Boner: 5-4

H2H against Boner in 2020: 0-0

Best Matchup in Round 1: Rams D/ST v NYJ

Worst Matchup in Round 1: Dalvin Cook v CHI

House: Slytherin

If he were in the LOTR, who would he be? Faramir

The Playoff Road goes ever on and on, down from the draft of where it began. Not far ahead the Playoff Road has splintered, and X must follow, if he can.

If Jeff had his wish, it would have been Billymir to be in the semi-finals facing Boner. Yet, it is his disappointing and irreverent son Andrewmir who has a chance to shine glory onto House Brown yet again (regardless of the result, Jeff will messily chew cherry tomatoes as a hobbit sings to him). And shine X has these past 8 weeks in which he has not lost once on the battlefield. But the enemies grow stronger and they want nothing more than to put an end to this team’s chances to reign supreme once again. And just because he wants to read it:

The Seals go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah!