What He Does In The Shadows

The Reverse Jinxes by the ‘Sandbag-In-Chief’ has been likened to being sucked dry from a Vampire, but is there enough blood left for Delcula to win a 3rd Star?

The bags of sand have been piling up all season. There’s enough of it now to stop Katrina and Irma at the same time. All year the Kavorka has been hiding/lurking in the 2nd and 3rd pages of the Power Rankings, collecting assets and winning games. The shadows. That is where they thrive. But as many other Owners will jump to point out, winning isn’t all that happens in those Shadows. Many call the Power Rankings Committee (PRC), an organization loosely tied to the DelFL’s Commissioner, a manipulative ‘propaganda-arm’ with a sole function to covertly distort roster movements favorably for the two time Champion Kavorkas. Sophistic drivel? Maybe, but it is the main reason Boner hasn’t paid his League Dues, that and to pay off those abortions and meth addictions of his many consorts.

Then there is the distinct behind-the-scenes access to all 17 other Owners via private WeChat, Whatsapp and iMessages plus an uneven amount of direct contact summit opportunities. These back channels, more shadows some will say, is another tap for the fangs of Delcula to quench his insatiable win-at-all-costs thirst. No wonder Jeff threatens to quit every November (which is as traditional this time of year as pumpkin pie).

But, there are darknesses in life and there are lights, and now as the #1 team in the Power Rankings (and projected #1 seed in the Playoffs), the Kavorka is the light of all lights. There is no place to hide anymore. Unsurprisingly, Amazon has just received their largest order for sand bags ever. It was just delivered to the PRC seconds ago.