Monday Night Forking

Baker Mayfield stuck it to Buckeye alumni Jesse one more time.

What could Jesse do athletically with a 20 point lead? If he was playing Tony in one on one basketball to 21, he could easily still score the final point even if he went Monty Python Black Knight & lost all his limbs: his mere flesh wounds would still not impede a victory. If he was racing Kleenex-box-for-feet Boner in a 40 yard dash, and gave him a 20 yard head start, Jesse’s cloud of dust would suffocate his childhood rival. If Jesse was playing Birdman in Frisbee Golf and gave Birdman a 20 stroke advantage, the flimsy wristed Birdman would still be outdueled by the best athlete in the 2007 FHS graduating class.

So it seems that it is only in fantasy football (and beer pong, as we learned last Bunnathon that Jesse definitely couldn’t beat 17 year old lifeguards if he gave them a 20 cup lead) where a Jesse lead is precarious. A 20 point lead against Warren’s Sushis was certainly not enough with Baker Mayfield putting up one of the worst performances in the history of football, whereas Teddy Two Gloves was putting up a 140+ point effort on the bench.

Most of the DelFL was sleeping when it happened. Tony was dreaming of Trojan Quarterback saviors, the Commissioner was reliving the movie ‘She’s Out of my League’ in the streets of Cordoba, Squid was too discombobulated trying to envision where rock bottom really was. The league slept as the DelFL’s Challenger Space Shuttle moment blew up Jesse’s presumptive win and the flotsam and jetsam of Jesse’s 2nd star chances came crashing back to earth. Somewhere the Dawgs, remembering a certain McManus field goal miss, were smiling.