Dawgtown: The New Electric City

Move over Scranton, there’s a new Electric City!

The residual vomit was dripping gradually down from the lips to the chin onto the mulch below in the bushes adjacent of Steamer’s front porch. There kneeled, in perspiring Rembrandt-esque agony, the man who trained harder than any other for hopes of Bunnathon glory. Perseverance unexpectedly arrived that morning, despite several Wechat messages announcing the contrary. The budding C player managed to damn the river of upchuck and make his tee-time at the Patch. But it wasn’t going to be a story book ending. 18 holes later, a summer marked with calluses and blisters from 6am range sessions was summed up with a simple statement to the Commissioner nearby the clubhouse, “Mike Hesson is a better golfer than me.”

The Junk Yard Dawgs, the franchise Owned by our beloved Kapo, knows the lowest of the lows and the highest of the highs. There never is middle ground. This is the team that won a Brown Jacket on a Roddy White miracle game on Monday Night. It is also the team that lost a 2nd star with a McManus shank (Shankapotamus as Tony would say).

So there is no surprise that the highest scoring team of week 2 was also the team that controversially spent 996 Del Dollars on speedster John Ross & traded a Tarantino-movie-credits-load of talent for Lamar Jackson. This team will not settle for average. “I acquired the 2 most electric players in the NFL this week.” This statement by Kapo was ridiculed and scoffed at. Multiple Owners were already guaranteeing a Piss Poor Four Finish. The Junk Yard Dawgs were going to be puking in those bushes all year long. Yet there was no Black Out. Instead, the lights are on in Dawgtown, and the kennel is rocking.