Boner's Belt? Oooh Yeah!
A Boner, divided against itself, cannot stand (especially while drinking Four Lokos).
The Top 5 MVO rankings as of June 2018
***MVO calendar year starts the Saturday morning of the Bunnathon through the full calendar year (think Waffle House breakfast to Jacket Ceremony)
1. Boner
2. X
3. Fish
4. Giorgio
5. Tits
18. Parker
When Macho Man Randy Savage first entered the professional wrestling spotlight, many 'managers' (including Bobby Heenan, Jimmy Hart, and "Classy" Freddie Blassie) offered their services. Macho Man declined their offers and instead chose Miss Elizabeth, his wife, as his ringside manager. The wrestling world considered this a monumental blunder. Yet, Macho Man made it work and used the relationship to his advantage. He went on to explicitly mistreat Miss Elizabeth and threatened anyone who even looked at her, a great source of his energy and strength. It was a formula that was simultaneously loathsome & successful. Macho Man's misogynistic 'heel' quickly won the hearts of wrestling fans and captured the WWF's Inter-Continental Heavyweight Belt in 1987.
30 years later, Boner's similar heel turn has the same belt ambition. When Boner asked Raine Beau, his long time Rocky Mountain girlfriend, to move to Shanghai, it seemed like a Macho Man-like blunder with the MVO Belt as good as gone. The Commissioner and others wondered openly if Boner would even be seen again. Yet, Independent Boner went on a scorched earth campaign making sure that Relationship Boner (and Raine Beau herself) is never seen in public. Like Macho Man, Boner has used threats, and even going so far as confiscating electronic devices, to keep a communication embargo ongoing between Raine Beau and Boner's social world.
Has this strategy been working? Oooh Yeah! Raine Beau has dissipated into the Shanghai smog and is an after thought. She's not even allowed to babysit Toffee. Meanwhile, Boner has shot up the MVO Power Rankings to the #1 spot. His dedication, let alone his performance, is belt worthy. The recent 'scoop and a score' at the Birdman Bachelor Party is window dressing compared to his recent kamikaze performances in Shanghai which include 40+ hour benders and Genghis Khan fornication numbers. His exemplary assimilation into a cosmopolitan Shanghai expat coincides with a White-Trashian ability to slay at the Honky Tonk's of Nashville (site of Birdman's bachelor party).
Some of the MVO contenders are going to claim proximity bias due to Boner living only two metro stops away from the Commissioner. But the easy rebuttal is the fact that Boner just wants the belt more than anyone else right now. He is willing to sell Raine's nonessential organs to the Chinese Triad for a chance at wearing the MVO Belt in July (quick reminder: Bunnathon is July 27-28).
Meanwhile, X is still dominating the Fish on social media. All we hear from the Bayou these days is the occasional whining and crickets. Of course, there are plenty of summer days for these rankings to shift again. Boner's lead can quickly fade if Boner's two worlds collide. Miss Elizabeth eventually cost Macho Man the Championship Belt when getting too close to Hulk Hogan at Survivor Series. Anything can happen.
