The Ring

Watch the videotape and you die, get married and so do your Brown Jacket chances.

There is an undeniable correlation between marriage and DelFL losing. In 2016 all married Owners have a losing record (combined record of 5-10). There have been 13 seasons played by married DelFL Owners with no Brown Jackets and only two playoff qualifications (both Andrew). If you add the years in which Owners were also engaged, there are 16 seasons without a Championship and still only two playoff qualifications. So why does the proverbial Ball-and-Chain, weigh down wedded Owners? Is it the constant nagging? Is it the mandatory Sunday brunches and farmers markets? Is there some chemical reaction in the brain that occurs once the ring slides on that obfuscates sports knowledge and critical thinking?

The answer may be unknowable but the marriage curse is untenable. Next to be cursed (or already cursed) is Parker & Billy, who are the two most recently engaged, and Randy who gets married this Sunday. All three of them have at times this DelFL season shown signs that are symptomatic of the marriage curse. It may be too late for all of them (at least Parker already has his jacket).

So what is a married Owner to do? Extricating oneself of the ring is an expensive option and as onerous as reaching Mount Doom. But the married Owners may actually have hope; at the current pace we may eventually run out of bachelor Owners, and in that case a married man might win by default. But as long as there are sharper, crisper, unbridled single minds in the league, the married men will have to wait in their minivans, jacket-less.