Corporal Cock Block

When you act like Tony, your fantasy team plays like Tony's

I do not believe in karma. What goes around, doesn’t necessarily come around. We are ruled by natural laws, such as: Grant will always be more talented than his brother; Tony will always lose in fantasy sports. No talisman can intercede.

So don’t look to the stars when determining why Bo, former DelFL hegemon, is slumping. Instead, consider his behavior in Miami over 4th of July weekend. Bo, Tony and I were perambulating South Beach looking for women. After mostly rejections we finally stumbled upon a table of estrus Swedish girls. Yes they were young, but desperate times call for desperate age differentials. We talked, and to our initial surprise, the blondes were responding favorably to us & our auspicious jumbo margaritas. Sexual success was a few sips away, until Corporal Cock Block crashed the party.

The conversation had turned to my personal hockey experience, while explaining to the Swedes (big hockey fans) that I was the fastest backward skater Coach Root had ever seen and probably could have played for Frölunda in my prime, Corporal Cock Block decided to chime in, “Del did you just say you were good at hockey? You weren’t good, you sucked! You sucked at all sports.” Bo’s bibulous ramble was said in such a way that the girls instantaneously and collectively were disinterested. Moments later they were gone.

I bring this story up only to give an explanation to why Bo is no longer a perennial DelFL contender (this year would be his 3rd consecutive year of missing the playoffs). Bo doesn’t have bad mojo, there is no curse; his problems derive from his actions, and when you act like Tony (cock blocking your friends) you will start to imitate other characteristics. One such characteristic is being terrible at fantasy sports.