Détester

How can someone with a Napoleon Complex be so anti-Napoleon?

He lives in the French Quarter of New Orleans, in a region that was colonial France until Napoleon sold it to Thomas Jefferson. As he walks down Bourbon Street (named for the French Monarchy, not Kentucky whiskey) he cannot escape the vestigial of Francophonic influence. It must be like living in a large open aired prison, because no one detests anything French more than Tony Alessi.

The provenance of Tony’s antipathy towards France is unknown, perhaps he was a big fan of Sydney Carton. More likely it has to do with Fox News and Freedom Fries. Regardless of origin, his contention with France has manifested this summer, culminating in several embarrassing outbursts of French diatribes. Humiliating along with confusing, someone might need to call an exorcist. But I personally don’t think a priest is needed, if he just looked to France’s glorious history and their greatest general, he would not only find inspiration but more importantly he could find common ground with his peculiarly chosen enemy.

With his small stocky stature and receding hair line, there are many discernible similarities between Tony and ‘le petit caporal’. Granted, Napoleon won battle after battle from Provence to Moscow and Tony has never won anything. Despite that glaring disparity, they both share a tenacious reactionary demeanor due to their short stature. Tony invariably must show his toughness even in unnecessary circumstances. He will fight when there isn’t a battle, shout when there isn’t an argument, and vindicate when no one cares of the result. He doesn’t realize how French he is. Tony has chosen the wrong country to spar with. He should embrace France, drop the Stars and Stripes and pick up the Tri-Colour.

Regardless if Tony adheres to this piece of advice, Parisian women will still not sleep with him.